


The Echoes of Reality

by Balonius



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adventure, Angst, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3693213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balonius/pseuds/Balonius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is plagued by a new mystery - his impossible girl insists on remaining that way. He lands on a time loop where his impossible girl keeps dying to save others. Will he be able to save her before she is gone forever?  Feel free to send me prompts!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clara's Birthday

"The great theme park of Holinea!" The Doctor flung the TARDIS doors open in excitement. The second the door was open, he was greeted with a less impressive theme park. His smile drooped.

"Okay, the not-so-great-but-better-than-nothing theme park in…" He breathed in and slowly exhaled. "… Blackpool. November… 2015. Damn it." He smacked himself in both frustration and embarrassment.

"Why can't you get anything right? At least Clara isn't here to witness it this time." He sighed.

"Might as well go on the roller coaster while I'm here. Better than nothing." He shrugged as he joined the line.

He was placed in his seat and the safety bar lowered. He nervously clutched onto the bar as the roller coaster slowly started.

"Doctor?!" A familiar brunette was sitting next to him. Her wide hazel eyes stared at his green eyes.

"Clara?!" The Doctor completely forgot about the fact that he was on a roller coaster. "What are you doing heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrreeeee….." The roller coaster dropped and shot through the tracks before he could finish his sentence.

As soon as the ride started it was over in a blink of an eye. The Doctor sat there, half dazed, with his two hearts beating madly.

"I'm here because it's my birthday. I think my family is scattered all around the park at the moment. I've always wanted to go on the Big Dipper myself, but no one else was up for it." Clara chuckled, helping him to get out of the carriage.

"Oh, happy birthday!" The Doctor beamed, shaking himself out of his dazed state. He reached for his pockets, looking for something to give her. "Sorry, I couldn't get you a present. I was a bit occupied…. driving the TARDIS to the wrong place."

"Pfft. No worries. This is the best birthday present – you being here!" She jumped up and hugged him. "Oh, I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too." He hugged back. "How long was I gone?"

"Oh, two months. But that's nothing for you!" Clara dismissed it.

"Now that you're here, you're staying." Clara giggled as she grabbed onto his hands and led him around the theme park. "Today is travelling with Clara day. Welcome to my favourite theme park! Blackpool Pleasure Beach, which I probably know more about than you. This rarely happens."

The whole day was a blast. They went around on every single ride… twice (maybe more, he lost count). He won loads of prizes for Clara and vice versa, and they pranced around buying merchandise and enjoying theme park food.

"I am exhausted." It was already so dark. Clara laid beside the Doctor on the grass field. They watched as the fireworks exploded above them, painting the dark sky with exotic colours. She leaned on his chest, listening to the steady double heartbeat.

"Y'know." She paused. "Today was the best birthday, ever."

"We should do this more often then." He chuckled. "Should I go back in your time stream and take you here every birthday?" he suggested, shrugging his shoulders.

"Nah. That would ruin today's moment." She smiled back. "I would hate to do anything that might ruin today's moment."

The fireworks show fizzled to an end and people started leaving the grounds one by one.

"Come on. Let's go home. Come and meet my family! I'm sure they'll love you." Clara smiled as she linked arms with the Doctor. "Where's your TARDIS?"

"I think it's somewhere in an alleyway just outside the theme park. Somewhere that way." He flailed his arm, pointing to the general direction.

Sure enough, the blue police box was in a quiet alleyway out of public view. Clara smiled seeing the familiar box, even if the box hated her for no reason.

"My house is a few blocks away. Just… don't land in the year 2100 or anything." She gave him a cheeky smile, and the Doctor smiled back.

"Of course. You are the boss."

"Stop. Both of you." The Doctor heard a terrible click. The click of a gun. He turned around and quickly stood in front of Clara, instinctively protecting her. A young guy wearing rags stood there shakily aiming the gun at them.

"Give me your wallet." He waved the gun around.

"We don't have any money." The Doctor replied. "Look…"

"`No. DON'T MOVE! And don't lie. You were just in a theme park. You must have some money."

Clara stepped away from the Doctor, inching slowly towards him.

"Clara," the Doctor hissed as he gave her a warning stare.

"I got this." She whispered.

"Listen. We will do as you say if you put the gun down." Clara said in a calm voice.

"No, don't come any closer. I'll shoot." He warned. Judging by the way he was holding the gun, he had never actually shot a gun, nor killed anyone in his life.

"Just… put the gun down." Clara said. "We can work something out. We can help you."

The gun clattered on the floor. Clara quickly kicked it towards the Doctor, who disarmed it in one move.

"What's your name?" Clara asked in her kindest voice.

"Endon." He quietly murmured.

"Okay Endon. Nice to meet you, my name is Clara, and this is the Doctor. We…" There was a terrible bang.

"CLARA!" The Doctor screamed in horror as she fell face first on the ground. He quickly joined her and turned her to see a wound to the chest. "No, no!" He tried to stop the bleeding. He took her pulse but there was none. Of course. The bullet had hit her heart. There was no way any human could survive that kind of fatal wound.

He turned around in rage to see a man.

"I knew it Endon. You can't even rob a simple girl. You're weak. You can't even kill anyone." The man spat as he pointed a gun at the Doctor. He quickly made the gun spark out of his hands using his sonic screwdriver and pinned him against the wall of the alleyway.

"Do you know what you've done? You've killed an innocent person. Even worse, you've killed someone close to me, someone I love." He growled and pulled out the dagger on the man's belt. His breath was rapid as he pressed the knife to the other man's throat.

"Do it." He sneered. However, his smile disappeared when he saw the Doctor's face. The Oncoming storm was brewing.

The Doctor threw the knife on the ground. "I never would." He stomped on the knife, breaking the blade into pieces. "You got that? I. Never. Would." He breathed out slowly.

"Leave. God knows what I will do to you when I lose it." He said with a clenched fist.

They ran away.

The Doctor knelt beside Clara.

"No." He leaned against a wall and sobbed. Her death… it was boring. There wasn't any happy ending, or even a good closure. She just… died. A terrible and pointless death. The tears fell onto Clara's body and the hard, cement ground.

Before he knew it, he had exhausted himself to the point where he fell asleep in a corner between the TARDIS and the alleyway wall. The dark night felt colder with the Doctor's grief.

OoOoOoO

The next day, the Doctor found himself in his warm, comfortable bed, inside the TARDIS. Next to him was a steaming cup of tea. He sat up and slowly reached for the mug.

"You must have been smashed." Clara said, chuckling.

'How the hell is she alive?!' The Doctor flinched hearing her voice.

"You were out cold in the alleyway, so close to the TARDIS, yet too far. Damn, I regret not being there with you while you were drunk." She giggled as she leaned on the door frame, casually sipping on her tea. "Would have been the funniest thing ever to happen on my birthday."

"Clara?!" The Doctor whimpered. "Oh Clara. My impossible girl." He jumped out of bed and hugged her tightly. "Do not ever leave me again." He whispered. His eyes, filled with love, relief and happiness, met her confused set of eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm trying something new this time!  
> This story will be a multi chapter story - like all my stories in the past.  
> BUT!  
> I will be accepting prompts so let me know in a pm or review if you would like an idea featured :)  
> (The things I'm looking for are sick/angsty ideas - but other prompts are welcome!)  
> This story has a big story arc and I'll do my best to work some, if not, all of the prompts into the story.
> 
> Special thanks to Elevensdoctress for editing! :)
> 
> Thanks!


	2. Marinopolis

“You are really heavy, you know that?” Clara chuckled awkwardly, slightly confused by the Doctor’s behaviour. Why was he looking at her as if he hadn’t seen her in a million years? From her point of view, she had just returned from a trip with him – from the planet of otters. “I didn’t know Time Lords could get drunk. I left you alone for one hour, and then I found you drunk in an alleyway.”

The Doctor stared at her. Every second with her, he had to cherish it. Her dimples, sparkling brown eyes and her smooth voice. What if this was all a dream? What if he woke up again to find the bloodied body again still staring emptily at nothing? He never got second chances.

“D…Doctor, you’re hurting me.” Clara stammered as she tried to loosen the Doctor’s grip on her wrist.

“Sorry. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to.” He quickly withdrew his hands. He didn’t want to hurt her, never. Wait, did she say one hour?

Suddenly, something sparked in his mind. What if… the Clara he saw was a future version of Clara? What if it hadn’t happened to her yet? She had just finished travelling with himself… maybe he dropped her off in the wrong timeline and she hasn’t noticed yet?

“Clara, was it your birthday yesterday?”

“Yeah. How did you know? Not bad, you’re remembering birthdays now.” She approvingly nodded at him.

“What did you do?” The Doctor got her to sit next to him on his bed. “Tell me. I want to know everything you did on your birthday.”

“Why….? Since when did you become my therapist?” Clara laughed. She gave in after seeing the Doctor’s pleading eyes. “Okay. I drank some coffee from a really good café, biked around, met up with friends…. drove up to Blackpool to say hi to my family… and I think that’s about all. It was late but I was planning to rest up when I got back to London… That was until I found the TARDIS and you laying around.”

“So you didn’t go to the theme park?” He asked just as a confirmation.

“No, although dad was suggesting we should next year. For old time’s sake.” She smiled. “Maybe you could join us?”

“No.” He quickly said. Clara looked at him in surprise.

“Okay, that’s fine. Didn’t know you didn’t like theme parks.” Clara replied. He was acting a bit strange but she knew that if she gave him some time, he would inevitably spill the beans. She figured that he didn’t really want to talk about whatever had happened right then.

“No… I mean, don’t go there. I’ve been, and it was terrible.” He amended. “Wouldn’t you rather like a spacey theme park? I mean, Hedgewick’s World of Wonders was a mess up. But it wasn’t my fault – it was the Cybermen’s. There is a theme park not that far away….”

“Stop. Right there. Rambling… again.” Clara interrupted. “If you really don’t want me to go, it’s fine. It was just a suggestion anyway.” Clara shrugged. “Anyway… can we travel?”

“You said you’ve just been travelling an hour ago!” The Doctor exclaimed. Clara’s travelling addiction was almost as bad as his.

“Well, if you call that travelling. You were just whinging about otters and whatnot. I tuned out after a while. I want to go somewhere cool. Somewhere REALLY worth going.”  

They walked to the console room and the Doctor pressed a sequence of buttons. “’Somewhere cool and really worth going’ it is, then.” The Doctor flashed her a smile and pulled the lever. The time rotor whirred around and the TARDIS landed with a thud. The Doctor checked the monitors.

“Better get a raincoat. It’s a bit wet out there.” He said as he threw a red umbrella for Clara to catch.

“Thanks!” Clara caught it in one hand and excitedly ran down the TARDIS corridor for a raincoat.

Clara came back dressed up in a clear raincoat and threw one to the Doctor as well. “I got yours for you too.”

They opened the doors to see a vast ocean. The TARDIS was parked on the surface of the water like a boat docked on a calm lake. Clara tried to take a step out but the Doctor stopped her.

“No land?” Clara questioned. To the horizon, there was nothing but the ocean. It was drizzling with rain, which disrupted the calm waters with droplets rippling all over the surface of the ocean.

“The gravity on this planet is quite strong. Unlike Earth’s ocean, you won’t float on these waters. If you step outside, you will fall straight to the bottom, like dropping a pebble down a lake.”

“There must be land somewhere then?” Clara asked. She said to take her somewhere awesome, not somewhere wet and drizzly.

The Doctor gazed at his watch. “Land appearing… now.”

The ocean started shaking and soon, the water receded to reveal an island. The beach was covered in translucent, purple sand, which sparkled as it met the waves of clear blue water. The city beyond it was made of clear, glass-like structure. It wasn’t just an island, it was a whole civilisation.

The Doctor smiled as he offered her a hand. Clara smiled back revealing her dimples as she gladly took his hand.

“The city of Marinopolis. The land here sinks and resurfaces every fortnight so the locals have adapted to grow both gills and lungs.”

“So… basically they are mermaids?” Clara gave him grinned.

“Yup. Mermaid people.” He replied with a giggle. Clara jumped up and down in excitement.

“Oh my stars, this is AWESOME! I used to love mermaids as a kid.” She kissed the Doctor lightly on his cheek. Both of them blushed. “Thank you, Doctor. For taking me here.” She added shyly.

As they were walking to the city, Clara grumbled. “Why did you park the TARDIS so far away? Why couldn’t you just park it right in the middle? Blimey, it’s a long walk.”

“Because, Clara, the magnetic poles of this city makes it impossible to land my TARDIS. The closest I can get is 2km away from the city.”

“We have to walk two kilometres?!” Clara groaned.

However, the grumbling stopped once they finally reached the city. They wandered around sightseeing the place. Clara couldn’t believe her eyes. The buildings were made of glass, pearls and coral, and the sight was just like walking at the bottom of the ocean. The droplets of rain illuminated by the light made the city sparkle like a polished gem. Clara was brought back to reality when the Doctor frowned and stopped in front of a house. She registered a crying noise from inside of the house. The Doctor went in, and Clara followed.

“He’s going to die.” The woman was sobbing. “What are we going to do, Gildroy? My poor boy.” She wailed.

“No one is going to help us, Andrea. We just don’t have enough time.” The man answered looking away. He couldn’t bear to look at his son.

In the middle, there was a little boy sitting on the table confusedly blinking at his parents.

“We’ll help.” The Doctor interrupted. “Hello, my name is the Doctor, and this is Clara. We’re travelling buddies.” He shook their hands, and Clara did the same.

The little boy hopped off and curiously approached Clara.

“Hello, what’s your name? How old are you?” Clara crouched down to match his eye level.

“Joey. He’s two minutes old.” Andrea answered instead, wiping her tears.

“Two minutes?!” Clara looked at the Doctor in shock. He looked at least seven _years_ old.

“Marinians grow fast till they reach their adulthood stage. It’s part of their adaptation to the environment.” The Doctor whispered. Clara nodded in realisation.

“Tell me, Andrea, why is Joey going to die?” The Doctor asked.

“He was born without gills, only lungs. Usually, this is an easy issue that we can fix with Gillweed roots, but the only source of them is blocked by the air leechers. There’s no one in the city who is willing to go there and bring it back. We don’t have enough time because the island is sinking again in a few hours.”

“We’ll do it.” The Doctor said valiantly. “We’ll go there and bring the Gillweed back.”

“Sorry? You do know what air leechers are, right?” Gildroy asked, stunned. “One touch, and they will convert any oxygen in your body to water. Your cells will start liquefying. You’ll drown to death in seconds.”

 “We love challenges.” He ruffled Joey’s fluffy brown hair. “Besides, we’ll do anything to save your son.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” The parents bowed to show their gratitude. “And good luck.”

He turned around. “Come on, Clara. Let’s go.”

Out of the corner of Clara’s eye, she saw a red lantern floating in the sky. She blinked and it was gone. “Coming!” Clara joined him.

After a walking for a bit, they found the entrance to the cave, which was littered with black slug-like creatures with yellow stripes.

“Be careful. They are the air leeches Gildroy was talking about.” The Doctor answered. He picked one up with tweezers and placed it in a glass tube.

“Air leech, you are beautiful.”

Clara gave a sour look. “Doctor, why are you taking death-slug creatures?!”

 “I’m going to analyse them when we get back to the TARDIS.” He shrugged. Clara sighed. Boys and their obsession for collecting bugs.

They carefully made their way into the cave, making sure they weren’t touching anything. “Gillweeds emanate a green glow. You’ll be able to spot it easily in the dark.”

“But we won’t be able to spot air leeches in the dark.” Clara retorted, her voice trembling in fear and anxiousness. “They are jet black.”

“Correct. So do be careful.” He smiled brightly. Clara returned a weak one.

The green glow from the sonic softly illuminated the insides of the cave. Few meters in, Clara tripped on a protruding bit of rock and almost touched the black body of an air leech. However, the Doctor grabbed her and pulled her away just in time.

“That was close. Thanks.” Clara let out a sigh.

The number of air leeches they encountered became less and less frequent as they went deeper into the cave. Clara suddenly spotted a small squirrel softly glowing in white.

“Stop! Look! A squirrel!” She pointed.

“That’s a Riler, unlike squirrels they have a glowing body... Squirrel is close enough. Even though they are nothing like each other. Did I tell you about…” The Doctor rambled. “Oh look!” He pointed stopping mid-sentence. “We found it! There’s the Gillweed!” He pointed at the tuft of glowing shrubbery.

Before they could take another step, the Riler abruptly stopped in its track further down the cave. The white glow from the Riler faded to a dark red colour. Clara realised there were more dark red Rilers further down, softly bathing the cave in an unsettling red light.

“What does dark red mean?” Clara had a bad feeling, and the feeling changed to fear when she saw the Doctor’s face softly lit by the green glow of the sonic.

“Umm… uh...” He gulped. “Oh, look, the walls are made of glowing stones. If I send a spark down the cave….”

The sonic sparked the cave walls and a flash travelled deep into the cave. Clara stopped breathing in shock. In the fraction of a second when the flash travelled down she saw something impossible.

“Did I…. just see what I… think I saw?” Clara’s panicked voice was almost a whisper.

“…. Y…yes. I have a very bad feeling you did. Should I try it one more time?” The Doctor asked in a shaky voice.

Clara nodded. “Mmm hmm.” She said anxiously in a very high pitched voice.

Another flash travelled through the cave revealing thousands of dead Rilers. To make it even worse, millions of air leeches were stuck on the walls and the ground as if someone had painted the cave in black and yellow paint. The leeches near the dead Rilers, were spherical in shape, like air bubbles.

“Doctor, why are they in a different shape?” Clara asked, still clutching onto his arm in fear.

“Once they leech oxygen from other organisms, they have to expel it. What goes in must come out.” He explained, busily thinking of a plan to take the Gillweed.

The tuft of Gillweed poked out less than ten metres away as if it were taunting the Doctor and Clara.

“Okay, I have a plan.” He said after a few minutes. Suddenly, the two felt the tremor of an earthquake. Drops of water trickled down the sides of the cave.

“The island is going down soon. We have to hurry.” The Doctor said, concern evident in his voice. “I’ve adjusted the sonic to repel the leeches for a maximum of 10 seconds. I have to stay here to emit just enough pitch to make them retreat. Meanwhile, you run over there, quickly pull the Gillweed out and we get the hell out of here.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Clara answered.

“Ready?” The Doctor shared a worried glance with Clara, and she nodded in determination.

“Three… two… one!” The sonic whirred in a deafening high pitch frequency. Clara ran, flinching at the piercing sound, pulled the Gillweed out and brought it back.

“We did it!” Clara exclaimed as she hugged him. There was another tremor and more drops of water flowed to the bottom of the cave.

“It’s started. The island is descending to the ocean again. RUN!”

When they escaped the cave, they saw the city in already knee-deep water.

“If the city sinks down, wouldn’t Joey be able to swim?”

“No, firstly because he doesn’t know how to swim – he was born out of water, only a few hours ago. Secondly because the gravity here is too strong. Everyone, including us, won’t be able to resurface. The gravity will pull us down to the bottom of the ocean.”

By the time they arrived in Joey’s house, the water was up to the Doctor’s neck, and Clara was piggybacked on the Doctor’s back so her head was above the water. Joey’s parents were barely holding Joey above the water.

“We got it!” The Doctor screamed, splashing water everywhere to reach the boy.

Gildroy checked the plant. “Yup, that’s Gillweed.” Then he gave a disappointed sigh. “This won’t do. We needed the _root_ of the plant!”

There wasn’t even time to be disappointed. The island, which was still slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean, now plummeted down. Now they were underwater, desperately trying to resurface. She saw Joey struggling to hold his breath. What was she going to do?

The Doctor tapped her on the shoulder. She could just about make the green glow of another tuft he was pointing at.

‘Hurry!’ Clara mouthed. She was starting to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen. She worriedly stared at Joey, who was now limp and unresponsive.

She struggled up to him and gave him the last of her remaining air. Nothing happened. She saw the Doctor, still swimming to fetch the one tuft of Gillweed. She stared back at Joey, who was probably not going to make it until the Doctor came back. In the corner of her eye, she saw the little jar containing the air leech. Clara guessed that the jar must have dropped as they plummeted down to the bottom of the ocean. Suddenly, she remembered something.

_“Once they leech oxygen from other organisms, they have to expel it. What goes in must come out.”_ That’s what the Doctor had said about the air leeches. She could do it. If she touched the leech, it would swell up with air, which Joey could use until the Doctor came back.

She slowly untwisted the cap of the glass jar. She gritted her teeth and touched the leech. In the moments she felt her blood stop and lungs turn into water, she forced the air from the leech into Joey. The last thing she saw was little Joey’s eyes miraculously opening.

The Doctor carefully yet swiftly pulled the roots out and came back to find something he never wanted to see. His hearts tore into million pieces. He weakly handed the Gillweed root to Joey and gently held Clara’s body.

Overwhelmed with his emotions, the Doctor swam away from the city with Clara’s body to the side so that he could summon the TARDIS to the bottom of the ocean. As soon as he entered the TARDIS, he began to sob. She had died again.

“This is a dream. Please say it’s a dream.” He begged. “I can’t bear this. Wake up, wake up, wake up.” He repeated again banging his head on the wall and again. But when he opened his eyes, Clara’s body was still there.

The phone outside the console started ringing. He let it ring out, but it started ringing again. He wiped away his tears and received the call.

“Hello?”

“Doctor! Your girlfriend is in hospital. She doesn’t want anyone to worry, but we got her phone and we ought to call you…. ’cause… well, you are her boyfriend.”

“What? My girlfriend?” The Doctor sniffled. “I don’t have a girlfriend. Who is this?”

“It’s Angie. And don’t be silly Doctor. It’s obvious from the way you look at each other.”

“Angie? You mean Clara? But Clara is…” He turned around to see the body once again, but it was nowhere to be seen.

“Clara is….?” Angie retorted.

“I will be there.” He hung up and pounced on the console.

The Doctor didn’t know what was happening. All he knew was that his impossible girl was being impossible once again.


	3. Sacrifices for the Greater Good

The Doctor arrived in the hospital. _No time to waste_ , he thought. He quickly figured out the ward and burst in.

His impossible girl was sitting on the bed, reading a book. The room was sparsely furnished save for a vase containing colourful flowers and several get well cards scattered across the bedside table. 

Clara placed her book down and gazed up. Her face brightened. So did his. Before Clara could say anything, he jumped up the bed and gave her a tight hug.

“D-Doctor!” Clara coughed. “Too tight!” He let go in shock.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I thought you were dead. I’m just… really happy to see you.” His voice wobbled. He was seeing his impossible girl alive again. And he was thanking the universe for the miracle. Never again was he going to let her leave his sight.

“You’re being a little bit overdramatic.” Clara chuckled. Now that the Doctor could properly see her, he noticed bruises all over her arms. He guessed that it was the same all over her body, hence the flinching when he had hugged her. He suddenly felt bad.

“You have bruises?” It was more of a statement than a question. “What happened?”

“Just a traffic accident. I bumped into a truck.” She shrugged. “But it wasn’t too serious, and no, you shouldn’t worry about me.” Clara replied with a frown.

“But why are you in the hospital if you only have bruises?” The Doctor asked. He sensed there was more to the reason she was staying in the hospital.

“I…uh…” Clara flung away the blue blanket that was covering her legs. She pointed at her legs. “So… yeah. This happened.”

“You broke both of your legs?” The Doctor yelled in shock. “Clara, this is terrible! And you said it was nothing serious. Why didn’t you call me sooner?!”

“That is the exact reason why I wasn’t going to call you. Because I knew you would freak out. Except Angie and Artie thought otherwise. But,” Clara leaned to take something out of the drawer of the bedside table. “Although I guess I was wrong after all. I need you to help me with something.”

The Doctor leaned closer, interested. “With…?”

“There have been several mysterious deaths in the hospital. People are dying here.” Clara lowered her voice.

“Well, obviously. You are in a hospital. It’s where people go when they want to get better, and sometimes” he paused briefly “people don’t make it out alive.”

“No, not like that! People like me are dying.”

“People like you?” The Doctor tilted his head in confusion.

“People with non-fatal wounds. People who are supposed to get better. A broken leg can’t kill a person. Well, or so we thought.” Clara handed a list of names. “This list contains people who had non-fatal wounds or diseases who’ve died while I was here. Apparently this has been going on for a while so there would be more names if you dug around.”

The Doctor skimmed the list of names on the piece of paper. “Hmm. Interesting. I will be back, stay put. And I mean it. Don’t wander off.”

“I don’t have a choice.” Clara rolled her eyes, pointing at her legs.

“Fair point.” The Doctor smiled awkwardly. “I’ll be right back.”

The Doctor snuck inside the office and read the patient files of each people on the list. “Norovirus… pneumonia… broken arm… Unless this hospital is terrible at taking care of patients, they had no reason to die.” He muttered to himself.  He stood up, suddenly realising something. He pointed at the blood samples. “That’s not possible. That’s not supposed to be there!”

He scribbled bits and pieces from the files and returned to Clara’s room again. “Good news! I think I… Clara?!”

Clara looked as if she’d passed out. The Doctor nudged her to try waking her. “Clara!”

“Mmmm…?” Clara slowly opened her eyes. She coughed. “Sorry, I fell asleep. Have you been running? Why are you panting?”

The Doctor breathed out in relief. She was just sleeping. Nothing sinister. “I’m sorry, I thought you passed out.”

“Over-protectiveness kicking in.” Clara added. “Was just asleep. Who knew it would be so tiring having two broken legs? Anyway, did you find anything out?”

“Yes. The patients all had one thing in common – they had TV-944 poison in their system.”

“…and in English?”

“They had a deadly space poison in their blood stream. Once injected, it clots their blood and stops the blood flow. Depending on where the clot is, it will register as different source of death.”

“What are the symptoms and how do we cure it?”

“The first symptoms are similar to common cold. Then the poison makes you sick and drains you of your energy. When the poison takes complete control, it will kill you by stopping your blood flow. There is no cure unless…” He trailed off.

“Unless?”

“Unless I find a test subject and hope that their body creates enough antibodies for me to replicate. Even then, the process of taking the antibodies will kill the subject.”

Clara gulped. “How do we find people who are poisoned?”

“I have a scanner that should scan patients ward by ward. There’s two – one for me and one for you.”

“Well, better get to work then.” Clara shrugged. “Call me if you find anything.” Clara quickly took the scanner and wheeled out in her wheelchair before the Doctor could argue.

For the whole day, Clara and the Doctor scanned each ward for their blood. Their hope dwindled as they the scans showed no results. The Doctor was starting to get frustrated. However, while the Doctor was scanning the last wards, Clara called him on his (technically Clara’s other) mobile phone.

“I found them. 7th level, last room – ward 83.” Clara sounded so sad and tired. The Doctor couldn’t think about that. She had finally found them!

“On my way.” The Doctor quickly hung up. The Doctor spotted Clara sitting quietly in her wheelchair, just outside a room. She looked paler than normal, but he decided to ignore that.

“Doctor, this whole ward… they scanned positive for that poison.” Clara sounded so sad. She wasn’t even making eye contact.

“Hey, that’s good news. That means we can find a test subject and create those antibodies.”

“And kill that subject in the process.” She sounded so grim. Why was she grim? On balance, they would be saving people. They’d made that choice time and time again. What was holding her up this time?

“Sacrifices are necessary. You know that.” The Doctor said, opening the door to ward 83. “Sacrifices save….” A small colourful sign hung low from the ceiling. _Paediatric ward_ , it read. These were kids, ranging from infants to young children.

Wide eyed, the Doctor dropped his scanner. He ran out and slid onto the floor, covering his face in shock.

“Yeah.” Clara leaned out of the wheelchair, squeezing his shoulder. “We can’t.”

Clara broke the silence.

“There is one other way.” She whispered.

“What way?” The Doctor slowly looked up.

“You have me. Use me as the test subject. Save those kids.” Clara gazed into his green eyes in sadness.

“No.” He said firmly.

“Well there’s no other choice!” Clara angrily yelled. The Doctor was startled.

“I’m not going to see you die again!” The Doctor yelled back. ‘Again’? Clara pretended not to hear that.

“Doctor, it’s either me, or an innocent child. Do not let your selfishness take over. For me, I’ve lived long enough to know what life is like. Frankly, I’ve lived and seen more than what others would in eighty years. Those children in there, they have no life. They’ve probably been holed up in this fake little world suffering, they’ve probably never experienced freedom and happiness.” She dropped her voice. “Regardless of what you choose, I’m going to die anyway.” Her voice wobbled in emotion.

The Doctor froze, and silence fell.

“What?” He looked at her in confusion.

Clara hesitantly handed the scanner to him.

“I had to check as well, you know. I’ve also been in this hospital for a while.” She looked away.

He took the scanner and hesitantly turned it on. ‘Clara Oswald: POSITIVE.’

He stumbled backwards. No, not his Clara, not his impossible girl.

“Like I said. It’s either me or an innocent child. Who are you going to choose?” Clara held his hand. The Doctor stared at Clara emptily, not knowing what to think.

“Whatever you have to do, you are always and completely forgiven.” Clara gave him a comforting smile. The smile faltered when Clara clutched her chest.

“I think the poison is affecting me already. You better hurry.” Clara said taking deep, controlled breaths.

By the time they reached Clara’s room, she had passed out.

“No, no, no. Stay with me.” The Doctor was desperate. But Clara was right. He had to use her as a test subject. “Some help here?!” The Doctor yelled. Other doctors flooded the room and moved Clara to the intensive care unit.

When her condition was stabilised, the Doctor sat next to her, holding her tube covered hand. Clara was unconscious, but she looked so peaceful.

“Clara, no matter how many times I run to you, you fade away. Both in my dreams and in real life. You die again and again and I have no idea how to stop it. I’m so scared that one day, you’ll die and won’t come back.” He placed her hand on his cheek. “And as your friend, your best friend, it breaks my heart. To you I may be your best friend, but to me, you are everything.” He confessed. “I’m so sorry that I have to do this. I’m sorry for every mistake I’ve made in the past. The past two times you died, you didn’t die in my hands. So I didn’t have myself to blame. But this time, you are dying in my hands. And you are okay with that. I am a monster.”

Clara quietly stirred from her sleep.

“Hello.” Clara softly whispered. The Doctor wondered if she had heard what he had said.

“Hi.” Tears slowly flowed down his cheeks.

“Hey, don’t cry. Think of the children you’re going to save.” Clara wiped the Doctor’s tears.

The Doctor took a syringe containing colourless liquid. “One shot and you’ll be gone.”

“One shot and everyone else will live.” Clara replied with a sad smile.

Clara’s eyelids slowly fluttered shut. Her heartbeat was slowing down, becoming fainter with every passing moment.

The Doctor slowly approached Clara and hesitantly injected the clear substance in her body. “I’m sorry… so sorry” He repeated over and over holding her body. The syringe automatically collected the antibodies and soon, the heart monitor flat lined.

The Doctor replicated the antibodies and distributed it for kids and adults in the hospital. He watched as children became well again. Afterwards, he sat amongst the hospital garden on ground level. The sadness was too overwhelming even for tears to flow. He was completely numb, unable to feel anything at all. In the garden, he saw a lone blue poppy. He picked it up in confusion.

“Himalayan blue poppy. It’s impossible for you to grow here.” He muttered. In the corner of his eye, he saw a red lantern flying away. He abruptly stood up.

He stared at the red lantern. He followed the direction it was flying in before bumping into someone. The familiar brunette whom he adored.

“Doctor?”


	4. We all have Something to Hide

“Doctor? What…?” Clara was silenced with a hug.

The Doctor’s hearts were racing. It was her. She was alive. Again. He was so overwhelmed by emotions he couldn’t put a name at this particular moment. Words filled his head but he was unable to make any sense of them, unable to arrange them into sentences.

“TARDIS. NOW.” Those were the only two words he could manage to get out. The ecstatic joy, his responsibility to keep her safe and his love for his companion swarmed inside his mind. He grabbed her hand tightly and practically dragged her into the TARDIS, which was parked obscurely in a storage room.

“Doctor?! What’s wrong?” Clara didn’t want to see him now – it was bad timing. Very, _very_ bad timing. But it seemed like he needed her more than ever.

“I love you, Clara.” Did he really say that out loud? “I need you to know that.” He added shyly.

“Doctor….” Clara hesitated. “Tell me. Why are you behaving this way? This… is not you!” She knew there was something wrong with the Doctor. She wasn’t going to accept that statement as a fact, no matter how much she wanted it to be true. No, she couldn’t let her emotions take over. She had to stop and she knew why.

“What about a nice holiday, eh? Somewhere really safe and where no one will interfere with us. Do you fancy anywhere in particular? I know a great place in-“

“Doctor!” Clara interrupted. “Sit. Down.” She patted the chair in the console room. “Stay still.” She commanded. He obeyed.  She disappeared into the corridor, and came back with two mugs of tea.

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak. “I-“

“Don’t say anything until you’ve calmed down. You are not yourself and you know it.” Clara scolded. She always knew what was best for him. His impossible girl, taking care of him when no one could. What was that sad glint in her eyes?

He finished the tea in silence, never taking an eye off Clara.

“Now slowly breathe in,” Clara instructed as she demonstrated. “And out. Now, tell me what happened.” She said in a gentle, caring voice.

“I… I-” The Doctor stopped himself. He couldn’t tell Clara what had happened. Even he didn’t know what was happening. What would Clara think of him if he said he had watched her die? She certainly wouldn’t appreciate knowing about her… future? Her echoes? He had no idea why his impossible girl was being impossible.

“I… lost someone.” He finally concluded. Vague yet true. He wasn’t lying, but he wasn’t being entirely truthful either.

Clara slowly nodded. “You lost someone and now you’re trying to fill the space with me?” She asked, compassionately. “I understand.”

“Really?” He looked up. Clara’s eyes were twinkling. He could tell that it was the truth and she had really meant what she said.

“When I lost my mum, I filled the hole she left with study. I didn’t talk with anyone, I didn’t eat… I just overloaded myself with study and work. That was my way of handling grief. I guess everyone has a different way of dealing with it. Grief is a strong emotion… and nothing can prepare for the pain it brings.”

“Yeah.” He choked out. Three times she had died. All of their faces flashed past him. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He suppressed the memories deep inside his mind. Somewhere he would never look.

“Somewhere quiet.” Clara smiled, patting the Doctor’s shoulder.

“Sorry?” the Doctor opened his eyes again, his mind finally clear of emotion. 

“You asked me if I fancied somewhere. Let’s go somewhere quiet. Away from civilisation. It feels like we both need it.” She smiled. The Doctor wondered why she was on her way to the hospital, but he could see that it was something Clara didn’t want to talk about. _Some bad news,_ he thought.

“No adventure, then.” The Doctor quietly walked around the TARDIS, pressing buttons and pulling levers. “Australia. Early 1700s. Untainted by the industrial revolution. Just before the first settlers arrived.” He clicked the door open. Clara saw stars swirling all around them. Beautiful blues, purples and greens. Crickets were chirping and quiet waves crashed onto the beach. A cool breeze gently touched her cheeks and the smell of greenery invited her outside. She saw silhouettes of kangaroos in the horizon: obviously they had never met people before, as they cautiously approached them in curiosity. Clara giggled as they went past.

“It’s beautiful.” Clara said, lying on the beach. The Doctor gathered some driftwood and lit a fire, which glowed green and orange.

“Chemicals in driftwood makes the fire go green.” The Doctor explained as he poked the fire. He lay beside Clara and gazed at the stars.

“Thank you.” Clara said after a while, eyes shining. “I thought I was having the worst day today before I met you.” Clara laughed dryly. It wasn’t even a happy laugh, it was a laugh filled with sadness.

 The Doctor didn’t want to push her for a reason, even though his curiosity bothered him. Clara did so much for him yet he could never seem to return the favour.

“Doctor, I need to ask you a question.” Clara turned her head to face him.

“Go ahead.” He turned his head to face her too. Her eyes were filled with sadness.

“When- I mean, _if_ I die… are you going to travel alone?” Clara asked in a small voice.

“I don’t know. I try not to. You never know.” He shrugged. He always seemed to move on, just like he did after Adric… Donna… the Ponds… The Doctor realised that Clara was crying.

“Hey, Clara, what’s wrong?” The Doctor sat up, surprised. Was the sight upsetting her?

“Doctor, I can’t travel with you anymore.” Clara whispered. She wanted to, but she couldn’t. “This is our last hurrah.”

“What? Why?” The Doctor stood up abruptly in shock. She couldn’t just say that! He thought she liked the adventures. 101 places to see yet holed up as a nanny. Who was going to help her fill them now?

“I… can’t anymore. It’s becoming harder to juggle two lives.” Her eyes told otherwise. ‘ _You idiot. If you say that, this is the last time you’re going to see him. Why are you saying that_?!’ her heart chastised her brain. “When you take me back home, I don’t want you to come and see me again.”

She sighed in regret. _‘Of course you want to see him again. You fancy him!’_ the voice in her head screamed.

“It would… hurt me.” She confessed, the only piece of truth in her words.

The Doctor was hurt. His impossible girl wanted to stop. But then he realised that was for the better. With him, she died. Kept dying. Will inevitably die in the future. “Okay. I understand.”

When they arrived back at her flat, Clara stopped the Doctor before he entered the TARDIS. She reached up and gave him a kiss.

“Thank you, Doctor, for making me feel special.” She smiled.

“Thank you for exactly the same.” Something told him that this had happened before, but he decided not to question it.

He set the TARDIS in flight and sat on the staircase pondering what he’d done wrong. Why Clara just out of the blue, left him.

_“I don’t want you to come and see me again… it would… hurt me.”_

 The sentence echoed in his head. Another question popped into his head. _Why was she going to a hospital?_

Just before he reached for the lever, he found Clara’s phone. He had to go back, he had to ask. So many questions were rushing through his head. The Doctor clutched her white phone.

When he landed in Clara’s flat, no one was home.

“Clara?” Dead silence answered him.

 Everything was the same, except for the thin layer of dust gathered on the books laying around the furniture. _She must be out_. He decided to try somewhere else. 

The Doctor connected Clara’s phone to the TARDIS and tracked her. He landed to find himself once again parked inside the storage room of the hospital.

When he opened the door, he found a small parcel near his foot. He opened it to find a bag containing a small, silver cube. He tilted his head in confusion, placed it in his pocket and scanned the hospital for Clara.

He quietly opened a wooden door that the sonic indicated.

There was one patient in the room whom he didn’t expect to see.

“Clara.” He whispered. She was in an oxygen mask, sleeping. He dared not wake her. After all, he did promise not to visit her again. He carefully picked up her patient records and flicked through.

“Thyroid cancer. Stage 4.” He uttered as he placed it down. “Oh, Clara.” He stared at her in sad eyes.

Everything made sense now. Clara was going to the hospital because she’d been diagnosed with cancer. She had said she didn’t want to travel because it would be too much for her. Clara slowly opened her eyes before the Doctor had a chance to hide. When everything came to her senses, her eyes widened.

“You should have told me.” The Doctor smiled sadly. “I understand now.”

Clara teared up. “I’m sorry.” She mouthed. The cancer in her throat had destroyed her voice, leaving her mute. The lie she had to tell in her last adventure had hurt more than the truth. After the Doctor had left, she had regretted that decision every night.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here now.” The Doctor wiped away her tears. “Everything is going to be okay.” He smiled.

 _No it’s not._ Clara thought. Nothing was okay right now. It hurt her seeing him see her like that.

“Because you know what? I’m a time traveller.” The Doctor said, a smile creeping into his face. “More than that, I’m a Time Lord from Gallifrey.” He smirked.

Clara watched him as he sat next to her bed. _So what?_

He continued. “Time Lords created this thing – it’s a long term treatment, but it cures any form of cancer. All you need to do is take a dose of this certain type of medicine intravenously every day for years and years and years and when your body is ready for it, they give you an electric pulse – which targets the cancer cells, killing them and curing the patient.”

 _Too late now._ Clara looked sadly. She didn’t have years and years and years. She was given two months, and her time was nearly over.

“Be right back.” The Doctor ran out of the room, and came back in a few minutes.

“You see, time travel has its perks. Yes, there are rules, but anyone can bend around the rules so long as you don’t break it.” He explained as he took his sonic out from his pocket.

“And if I just do this….” The Doctor adjusted the sonic and pointed at Clara’s throat.

Clara felt the lumps disappear, and her airways clear up. Clara reached for her throat. _He’d just cured her._ She pulled off the oxygen mask and breathed the air for herself.

“…Easy.” He snapped his fingers. “Just like that. I didn’t break any rules – no paradoxes and no deadly cracks in time. You still had the cancer because I hadn’t cured it with the electric pulse. I went back years and years of your timeline and gave you the shot every day while you were asleep. I hope you don’t mind that.” He smiled awkwardly.

“Doctor!” She hadn’t heard her voice for a very long time. It was still croaky, but she was regaining her senses in her throat again. She was grateful. So, so grateful.

“Welcome back, Clara Oswald.” He hugged her. “You could have told me. Never hold back. Sharing the load will ease the pain.” He added after a moment.

 _Likewise. You hide stuff from me too._ “Yeah. Thank you Doctor. I owe you. I owe you my life.” She said. 

 “No, Clara. You don’t owe me anything. You repaid the debt just by being alive – and do so by staying alive.” The Doctor smiled with a hint of desperation. _Please don’t die._

He had finally saved her. He had beaten death. The impossible girl was under his protection now.

The Doctor entered the TARDIS with Clara following, bounding in joy.

Suddenly, as the Doctor reached the staircase, he collapsed onto the ground.

“Doctor!”

“W…what’s…?” The Doctor was as confused as Clara. He gasped for breath as red light filled his view. “Doctor, what’s happening?!” Clara screamed. The Doctor was having some sort of an epileptic fit. 

With his shaky hands, he took out the small bag he had picked up in the storage room. The silver cube had now melted into a puddle of liquid – which was all over his hands and pumping through his bloodstream. It was mercury.

“P-pp-oison.” He stuttered. Someone had given him mercury. “Clara… stay back.”

“Doctor! What do I do?!” Clara paced anxiously.

“Nothing.” He lay still on the floor. He had lost control of his muscles.

“Doctor!” Before Clara could approach him, he plunged into the never ending darkness.

From Clara’s point of view, as soon as the Doctor closed his eyes, his body disappeared.

“No! What are you doing?!” Clara yelled at the TARDIS. “He needs me! Bring him back, you cow!” She kicked the console.

“Hazardous substance has been automatically removed from the console room.” The voice interface informed her using the Doctor’s holographic image.

“Removed where?! Where did you put him?!” She yelled in anger as she pressed random buttons in a desperate attempt to bring him back. “Where?!” She fell onto the ground, crying.

“Clara?”

Clara froze. That was the Doctor’s voice. She looked up slowly. He was fine. The Doctor was just standing there… he was alive.

“When did you get into the TARDIS?” His confused eyes met with hers.


End file.
